January/February 2002
Feature Articles
What's Newz?
by Dee J. Findlay
Holistic Health Q & A
by John DeCosmo, D.O.
Of September 11, stress, getting back
to basics, and God is in the details.
What are... Sweeteners?
by Robert Roman
Not all sweeteners are "equal."
A healthfood store manager guides us through some of the options.
EnergyUpDate
by David Findlay
UNCOMMON SENSE ! - Who's next?
David Findlay
Minerals from Mother Earth
by Judy Power
Featured stones for January and February:
Onyx and Opal.
Your Astro Guide
by Janet Sciales
Articles on the theme "Freedom"
Freedom From Fear
by Kelly Menges
Freeing ourselves from limiting beliefs
to become connected with our true nature.
No Limits
by Yvette Monet
The freedom to live life as an expression
of love.
Spiritual Freedom
by Rev. Pat Cross
The inner freedom that comes with the
recognition of our divine nature.
Psychological Freedom
by Patrick Plaskett
Increasing our freedom by changing
the reality in our minds.
Hormonal Freedom
by Lela Lilyquist
Of the harmful effects of synthetic
hormone treatment for menopause and the growing awareness of more natural
approaches.
Free To Create
by Ken Sutton
The freedom to create our own lives...
both the good and the bad.
Freedom Within Bounds
by Rev. Stephanie Kubilius
How the boundaries of a relationship,
such as marriage, can actually provide greater freedom to grow.
Seven Basic Freedoms
by Rev. Linda Lou Kearns
Seven ways to exercise our freedom
to become what we really are.
A Free Mind
by Charles Larsen
How we as individuals may restrict
our inner freedom.
The Age of Freedom
by Jan Carter
Of plants and asteroids, gods and goddesses.
The Freedom Solution
by Constance Joy Angeles, Esq.
A nine-step approach to freedom
Freedom Within Bounds
Rev. Stephanie Kubilius
Most of us define freedom as an absence of boundaries. In the United States, we often define freedom in terms of political rights. Freedom denotes lack of restraint, yet many times, we may experience more freedom to grow within boundaries.
This August, my husband and I celebrated our twenty-third anniversary. Like all couples, our relationship has had its challenges. But it has been within the confines of this relationship that we have had the opportunity to grow as individuals. So often in these transient times, people choose the 'freedom' of separation over the confines of relationship with a long-time partner.
As a minister, I have officiated at numerous weddings. Most of the couples have other marriages behind them. Many have been living together for years. Often there are one or more children by the relationship. Yet, these couples choose to 'make it legal.' Why? Some couples have apologized to me for their 'history.' I've always counseled that the only failed relationship is one that has failed to change you. We are each other's teachers. That is why the most intense and painful lessons occur within relationships. They are in our face. We can't avoid them. We must learn from these lessons or they will return.
If we leave our partner because they are too 'this' or not enough 'that,' we haven't faced what in us is reacting. Life will bring us more relationships with the same deficiencies, or excesses. We may find ourselves asking, "Why is this happening to me AGAIN?" A better question would be "WHO is happening to me again?"
How many times have you seen someone who flits from one person to the next, to the next in relationships? They are always living a life of high drama with the same situations being expressed by different 'actors.' Some men seem to collect pretty, blonde wives. Some women attract big, strong, abusive men. Their situations keep repeating themselves, because the base issue is not being dealt with.
Each of us responds to people and situations in predictable ways. We emit a signal and the people around us reply. If we resonate with their reply, we establish a rapport. If we are turned off by their response, we move along. Since most of us are trying to fix our lives, starting with our childhood, we attract people that are familiar to us. If we are from a broken home, we will attract someone who mirrors some aspect of that home because we think we can 'fix it.' If we despised a parent, we may unconsciously attract someone with that personality. We're attracted because we somehow hope to change them. If the basic issues aren't worked on, the relationship with these people will become repetitive. Arguments will become cyclical. Soon you are able to predict when one will occur, over what it will erupt, and how it will end.
At this point in a relationship, many people choose to quit. They throw up their hands in disgust and separate. Then they wail "Why again? Are all men...? Can I never trust again? Are there any women out there who...?"
And it is at precisely this time in a failing relationship that you can grow by doing that old-fashion thing: working it out. You have been together long enough to establish loops of behavior. If the two of you can agree to disagree in NEW ways, there is potential for an even better rapport with this same person.
When we become so predictable, we are reacting, not thinking. We are reacting because to think consciously would be too painful. We react because it is what our family of origin taught us. To behave differently, we've got to begin to think differently. Instead of re-acting, we must learn to re-script our actions.
Those of us in successful long-term relationships have discovered this. Within the confines of a long relationship, each partner has the freedom to grow. Often, they grow in different ways, in different directions. We change, and change some more. We gradually adapt and cope with each other until, one day, we may realize that the relationship no longer fits us. Like a pair of shoes a half a size small, our life is too snug for comfort. If you feel safe to work through the tight spots in relationship, if you are free to expose your fears and desires to your long-time partner, you can grow. You can become free to heal old blocks, often from emotional wounds from childhood.
If we rush to end a relationship when those old wounds are open and raw and painful, we miss the chance to understand and heal that pain. So we loose the chance to clean the wound with the balm of experience, love and forgiveness. When we leave a partnership and shut down, we inhibit our own development.
By staying within the confines of marriage or committed partnership, there is freedom to grow. As Dr. Phil McGraw says, "your relationship becomes a safe place to fall." Within the safe harbor of that sanctuary, you each have the freedom to change careers, heal old wounds, pursue interests, complete life-long goals. You each are free to grow, to become better human beings, and then (only then) a stronger couple.
Yes, there is freedom within bounds.
Rev. Stephanie Kubilius is available for personalized, unique weddings and commitments ceremonies. Bradenton, FL (941) 739-1821
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