[And a vow to serve others who are in pain. ]

Going way back to the 5th grade, in a class on world religions, I first encountered the word, “Nirvana”. It was described as utter tranquility and perfect peace of mind. I felt my heart leap at these words. I lived in a volatile family environment and the appeal of a place of utter tranquility and perfect peace of mind held immediate fascination for me.

Having been born into a Christian culture, my search began in the local churches. I went from church to church, from denomination to denomination, and finally to baptism. Nothing happened. Nada. No utter tranquility. No perfect peace of mind.

Years went by, and eventually I boarded what I have come to call, the last train to Hippieville, in a desperate attempt to find “Nirvana”, but also to escape the guilt and shame and degradation I felt from the many mistakes and bad judgements of my teen years and early 20s. I’ll spare you the details.

Suffice it to say that by the time I got to Hippieville, my mantra was “Let me die”. As a last ditch effort to avoid this drama, I went with some friends to listen to Maharaji, a “guru”– another new word to me, at the time. A few months later, in a Hindu ashram, a woman from India, a mahatma (teacher) by the name of Mohani Bai Ji was teaching at morning satsang (a discourse “in the company of Truth”). She often read from a copy of the Bhagavad Gita. By now I had come to see some of the many parallels in the teachings of Christ and Krishna. In the midst of her teachings, this particular morning in the summer of ‘75, she used the exact words that had precipitated my search so long ago. She spoke of, “utter tranquility and perfect peace of mind” as the promise of the true guru. I rolled across the floor (we sat on pillows in a big room then), tears streaming down my cheeks. And then I spontaneously offered what I have come to know, in Buddhism, what is called the bodhisattva vow. As Ken Wilber so aptly captures it, I said, in effect, “If I am allowed to see this Truth, to know this utter tranquility and perfect peace of mind, I will spend the rest of my life communicating it to others, especially those who traveled the same painful journey as I did before coming to seek this Truth.” I didn’t know that what was to come could not be put in words.

When I was selected for initiation, I eagerly approach the day. It was July 21, 1975. We were being shown meditation techniques, and after a couple of techniques were shown, I felt a heavy discouragement set in. I wasn’t going to be assuaged by phenomenon. I began to believe that I had come to another dead-end, another empty promise. I gave up, but rather than disrupt the ceremony and the other people involved, I chose to just go along with the rest of it, thinking I would leave the ashram the next day. And that old familiar mantra starting sounding deep within, from deep disappointment, once again: Let me die. Let me die. Let me die.

In the next simple meditation technique, my world changed. And I did die, but not in the way I expected. As I sat quietly, with no expectations whatsoever, it was as if some unseen force performed radical brain surgery. As soon as I felt this influx of a new way (words fail here and will be imprecise) of “knowing”, I felt myself as if transported to a mountain. I walked along for a few steps on what appeared to be a pathway. As I looked down the pathway, I saw a glowing figure in a white robe. My cultural past easily and comfortably plugged the identity of Jesus into this figure.

When I came upon Jesus along the path, he sent me into a blue-white light. He didn’t say anything to me, he just nodded and I knew he wanted me to look further down the path. As soon as I did, I saw a huge bluewhite, egg-shaped light. And as soon as I saw it, I was enveloped in it. There I learned that Jesus had made the impossible possible. He had crossed the barrier between spiritual and material or physical reality. He had collapsed all concepts of time and space. So, the intervening 2,000 years and thousands of miles from his physical presence on earth were literally erased and irrelevant. I had met my satguru.

My submission to death, in the context of the deep meditation, (following 24 years of searching that became more and more urgent until it all collapsed in surrender) was accepted. My spontaneous vow to serve others who were in pain and suffering was accepted and honored. I was “Christed”. Jesus was recognized for who he is - not the twisted distorted view the manipulative church (not all churches) has presented for years.

Following my “resurrection” from the blue-white light and the presence, residence and absorption in God, I was a newly created being with a new and expansive heart and mind. I was invited to participate in a mission of service - the focus being, the announcement of the good news that this “Christing”, this awakening and enlightenment, is the possible destiny of all humankind (if we blow up the planet first, a new script will be written).

My “return” into this time, in this realm, was granted with a commission to be a loving, encouraging, light bearer, a darkness remover, a teacher; to serve others, to respond to those who seek the light of Love and peace and compassion, to a truly inspired work. I was “told” that I was now capable of inspired work - to carry on a work that Jesus died to establish in those who would come to know him.

“The works I do you shall do, and even greater works than I do, you shall do,” must have been pretty startling words to his disciples. I’ve come to understand these words to mean that while Jesus had to die to open the veil and send the filling of the Holy Spirit, those who come after his death and who receive this Holy Spirit that he promised to send; a promise that he delivered on at Pentecost, are empowered to do the work while alive. “I will baptize you with fire and with power to witness of me.”

Jesus remains outside the blue-white light as a heavenly intercessor, for those who come along his mystical path, as a true bodhisattva, who will not enter and finally sit at the right hand of God until all sentient beings are “Christed” as well. Yet, he exists in bliss at all times. He is contained within every breath I take, and His tender mercies are new every morning. That’s how it has been for me, since July 21, 1975 at about 9:30 in the morning, in this epical meeting of Jesus in a Hindu temple.

Jeff Belyea is a business and personal coach, who offers sales training and goal achievement programs, as well as “New Wisdom Weekends”. He can be reached by or by phone at 727-542-7117