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Corporate
Meets Personal Self-Esteem
Shannon Terry
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[Whether jobless or employed personal
maintenance matters]
Losing a job. Not getting an interview.
Equating our job title or salary with our value as a person. These
are all ways that our self-esteem can be tied, erroneously, to your
career. Sometimes we fall into the trap of equating work-related
events and status with our self worth. Even though we all know that
saying “It’s not personal, it’s business”,
who hasn’t felt personally slighted by getting passed up for
a promotion or getting laid off, even if you are one of many in
your company downsize? Positive recognition as Sales Manager of
the Month or a glowing review of your product can also affect how
we are feeling about ourselves, too.
The danger lies in thinking that our jobs are a reflection of who
we are as a person. Ironically, I think it’s really the other
way around - that how we feel about ourselves as people has a much
bigger impact on our work and job performance. When we are confident
and feel good about ourselves, generally, we show up to work happy.
When we are relaxed and self-assured, we naturally want to do good
work, and our relationships with co-workers, clients, even our grumpy
boss go more smoothly, if only because we feel good, so our feathers
don’t get ruffled as easily. We are more able to think creatively,
think on our feet, and take well calculated risks because we feel
valuable overall, and thus valuable on the job.
I work with job seekers, and I can often tell when someone is struggling
with attaching their self-worth to their current state of joblessness.
Job searching can make us feel uncertain, fearful, or resentful
– all examples of self-esteem sabotaging emotions. We can
perceive a rejection even where none may exist, in losing a job
and during a job search. For example, it can be a blow to our egos
to be out of work, even if we lost a job through no fault of our
own. Or, we think we’re a shoe in for a position and we don’t
even get called for an interview. We’ve gone to round three
in the hiring process and aren’t selected in the end. These
are very real disappointments, and yet, we really have no idea why
things worked out as they did. Remember, business can be a strange
animal. Jobs get posted externally when the intention from the beginning
is to hire internally.
Secondary skill sets, personality fit with existing team members,
and yes, that good old networking system also come into play. Your
past experience may be an exact match for the posted requirements,
but your competition may have experience with a rival company, or
be the sister-in-law of the VP’s neighbor. The point is, there
are reasons and situations you know not of. Don’t worry about
these things. We do our best, and we let it go in trust that ‘all
works out as it should’.
Maintaining that trust can be particularly challenging during the
emotional, financial, and mental strain of being unemployed. Here
are some fairly simply things you can do, whether you are currently
employed or looking for work, to keep feeling good about yourself
within, and outside of, your career life.
____________________________
*Find a quiet space and time to get in touch with your spiritual
self and nurture that connection. Have a space in your home to pray
or meditate, or do yoga or tai chi. Spend time in nature. Whatever
gets you personally in touch with that which you consider divine
– do it. Everyday. Creating this quiet, calm space makes room
for the answers to come. It helps release our fears, doubts, anxieties.
Whatever our path and specific practices, when we feel grounded
and confident in our spiritual selves, then how we feel about ourselves
and our ability to handle the crisis and challenges in our daily
lives is solid and rooted, drawn from these core believes and values.
In her excellent book, “Bringing Yoga to Everyday Life, author
Donna Fahri reminds us that through a practice like Yoga that, “Like
a surfer out on the ocean swell, we start to align ourselves with
the ebb and flow of life rather than fight with it. Gradually we
begin to recognize that in between the ups and downs and the coming
and going, there is a matrix of stillness that is the backdrop of
all phenomena.”
*Maintain hobbies/personal interests & activities outside of
work. Simply put, take time out for fun!
*Be who you really are at work. Avoid having one ‘work persona’
and one ‘the rest of my life’ set of values. The split
causes much confusion, and feeling ingenuine will never bolster
self worth.
*Update your resume. Reread past performance reviews that recognize
your professional accomplishments. As long as we don’t decide
that career success is the only success that matters, this is an
affirming exercise.
*Meet with a coach/support person once a week to help keep you on
track, positive, and realistic. Choose someone you KNOW WILL BE
SUPPORTIVE – don’t go looking for courage and relief
from your own anxieties from someone who is habitually fear-based,
sees the glass half empty and talks of hellfire and damnation lurking
at every corner --- Avoid these well-meaning but potentially self-esteem
bashing people.
*Give yourself credit by setting and tracking progress on daily/weekly
job search goals (i.e. I will apply for 2 jobs/day; research 2 new
companies each day etc.) The chart full of check marks can give
a real sense of accomplishment and pride that you are working diligently
and are focused on re-employment.
By combining a grounded spiritual practice with practical action-based
strategies for keeping balanced and realistic in our work and lives,
we can create a state of self-esteem that is interwoven throughout
our work and the rest of our lives.
Shannon Terry is a job search coach
and workshop facilitator. She offers personalized resumé
writing, interview coaching, and workshops for jobseekers. (727)
321-4172.
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