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How
to Relax
Bob
Murray &
Alicia Fortinberry
|
[Nine steps to achieving our relaxation
“default.”]
We live in a society quite unable to relax. It’s not a human
society – that is to say, it’s not a society that humans
are genetically programmed to cope with. I won’t go into how
this mismatch between our genetics and our society took place because
enough has been written about that already.
But here we are – over twenty percent of us are depressed and
an equal, if not greater number, suffer from anxiety, and this does
not include those with related disorders such as manic depression
(bipolar disorder), ADD/ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorder, posttraumatic
stress disorder and so on. The rate of depression alone doubles every
20 years!
We’re told to relax, to take it easy, to live for the now, but
none of these are possible unless we step back and ask the question,
“How are human beings genetically designed to relax?”
Some of the answers might surprise you.
The prominent Norwegian biologist Bjorn Grinde says that we know we’re
doing what is in harmony with our genes when we feel joy. As he says,
we’re actually designed to be happy most of the time, to be
relaxed and in “a default good mood.”
To Grinde, and others, relaxation doesn’t mean doing nothing.
It doesn’t even necessarily mean not working. Psychologist Mihaly
Csikszentmihalyi wrote about being “in the flow” when
you’re doing work that you can lose yourself in. In this state
your mind actually slows down, you use less effort and what you do
use is more concentrated and more productive. And you profoundly relax.
It’s like a stone-age hunter stalking his prey – all the
mental chatter and internal dialogues are gone, you’re in the
moment, in the now. You’re not consciously thinking about what
you’re doing, you’re just doing.
We think of relaxing as “taking time off,” but paradoxically
that can often be more stressful than working. More people suffer
anxiety attacks or bouts of depression on holiday than at the office
or in the classroom. Human beings were not designed to separate themselves
from their routine, or from the office or school “tribe.”
Rather, we are creatures of stasis and tend to get separation anxiety
when taken out of our routine environment. One of our greatest social
problems is the number of people who die, become depressed or get
chronically ill shortly after retirement.
If you look at those things which our brains give us a neurochemical
reward for doing, you can come up with a pretty good list of ways
to relax. The beauty of this list is that it won’t cost you
a penny to do any of them! This isn’t surprising since we were
genetically programmed long before money was invented.
Walking with awareness.
Walking is the top exercise for human beings; it’s what we were
designed to do best. But we were designed not just to walk –
pacing around an oval or power-walking around the park won’t
crack it for relaxation (though you may get a short-term endorphin
high). We were designed to walk with awareness, awareness of our bodies,
of changes to our surroundings, of the ground we walk on, of the animals
and people we pass. Humans survived because of this ability to be
acutely aware and so we get rewarded when we add this to our walking
(or jogging if you must). The awareness takes us out of ourselves,
puts us in the flow.
Connecting to your body.
Somewhere along the line of our social evolution, we lost the ability
to be functionally connected to our bodies. It’s hard to relax
if you walk in an injurious way, exercise in a way that gives you
pain (pain was created as a warning signal), or envy other people’s
bodies. Gentle, awareness-provoking exercises can bring us back into
connection with our bodies and can be profoundly relaxing.
Studying things that interest you.
We humans are the most naturally curious of all creatures, a genetic
trait that accounts for much of the success of our success. When we
are allowed to exercise this capacity in ways that are our own, we
get the relaxation reward.
Listening to or playing music.
The association between homo sapiens (us) and music goes way back.
We know that our near relatives, the Neanderthals, had musical instruments
so presumably they – and we – got it from those hominids
that came before us, perhaps up to 2,000,000 years ago. No wonder
it’s in our genes and we get the feel-good reward from it.
Being in nature.
Our biology has given us the unique ability to appreciate the wonder
and beauty of nature. We can lose ourselves in it, be at one with
it. The natural world is our genetic home, not the city, or the suburb
or even the farm. Recent research has shown that just by putting a
potted plant in your office, you can aid in relaxation. Kids who are
allowed to play in or explore natural surroundings are much less likely
to be depressed or be afflicted with ADHD. Stroking a cat or petting
a dog has been shown to greatly reduce high blood pressure and stress.
Meditating.
Perhaps the reason we find meditation so relaxing is that it originates
in a natural response to immediate danger. The three possible responses
to danger are to flee, to fight or to freeze. A baby deer will freeze,
so will a possum (playing possum). This is a state of absolute stillness,
absolute relaxation. In it all awareness of the self and of your surroundings
(including the danger) is gone, and like the deep meditator, you are
literally “out of body.” In meditation we make use of
that part of the brain which also facilitates the freeze reaction;
it is literally our escape from the danger of being over-stressed.
Indulging in art.
Art, like music is in our genes. Long before humans painted caves
they painted themselves. When we create something artistic we can
get into the “flow.” The chatter of our own dysfunctional
programming and the anxiety of the world can be shut out. We can surrender
to the process. With art it really is a case of the process being
all-important and the end result immaterial. We are naturally process-orientated,
not goal-orientated creatures. Relaxation is a matter of process.
Connecting to the divine.
We are all wired for spirituality. We need to have a belief system.
The Neanderthals had one; so presumably did our joint ancestors. We
also have a genetic need for the other things that go with spirituality
– prayer (even Buddhists who don’t believe in God pray),
ritual, chanting and sense of purpose. The more we give ourselves
over to these things, the less stressed and the more relaxed we become.
Being with friends.
Above all else we are a social species. As a ton of research has shown,
our mood, our psychological well-being, and even our physical health
depends on the state of our relationships. If your relationships were
strong and supportive in childhood (particularly with your parents)
you are much less likely to be depressed and anxious now. The way
to cure anxiety and depression in adulthood is through the cultivation
of certain kinds of supportive relationships. Relaxation with good
friends is, therefore, bound to give us the most powerful genetic
reward of all.
Other ways of relaxing – sex, shopping, gambling, drinking or
taking drugs – are only fleetingly rewarding. Professor Stephen
Reiss of Ohio State University has shown that reliance on these for
happiness or relaxation is, in the end, self-defeating and depressing.
You don’t have to do the things I’ve listed in any particular
order, but to really make relaxation a part of your life you need
to bring as many of them as you can into your life. It’s worth
repeating… they cost nothing and they can relax you for a lifetime.
Bob Murray, PhD and Alicia Fortinberry, MS, are founders of the
USF-sponsored Uplift Program for healing depression and anxiety, and
authors of Creating Optimism: A Proven Seven-Step Program for Overcoming
Depression. (813) 974-6695. www.creatingoptimism.com
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MARCH/APRIL
2005
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