[A happy relationship takes work… and a healthy love of self.]

It is quite a challenge today to create balance in a relationship. I use the word “create” because usually a happy relationship does not just happen; it takes work, creativity and, of course, love.

My husband and I think very differently. His thinking is pure logic – what you see is what you get. I jump into things without thinking them through, and if my intuition leads me in a direction, I just go with it. Now this difference can create problems, and it has. We solved them through much love for each other, although I think the truth is that we both are too stubborn to quit. Here is an analogy that describes our situation quite well. To have a relationship with a doctor, you don’t have to be a doctor; to have a relationship with a boxer, you don’t have to be a boxer… but you do need someone in your corner, cheering you on, supporting you on your journey. We all are looking for basically the same thing, someone to share our lives with and someone to love us just the way we are.

We all have our differences, even though we are in a relationship. We are not always going to agree with the one we love, but that is human nature. If we were all the same, this world would be quite boring. We are not always going to understand the one we love, but we have to honor the place our loved one is at on their journey. Even though we choose to share our lives, our lessons and our growth – who we are and who we have yet to become – can be quite different. What a sense of humor our creator has.

Another challenge of a healthy relationship is your self. If we are out of balance in mind, body or spirit, how can we possibly have a healthy relationship with another? People overlook this simple, sometimes difficult-to-see solution to creating happy relationships. So often we are looking for others to make us happy, but we first have to look at ourselves. Women, in general, give so much to others. We are the caregivers and are usually the ones who hold so much guilt over whether we have done enough. We then forget to really love and nurture ourselves. In order to be loved, we first have to love who we are.

I have performed marriage ceremonies on women alone. This might seem strange, but by holding a ceremony with yourself and truly committing your love of yourself, you can finally open the door that enables you to be loved in a truly healthy relationship. When you come into a relationship with total confidence about who you are and with total self-love, you are then ready to have a healthy relationship. You are no longer looking for another to give you what you are lacking. You are complete and, therefore, need nothing… thus enabling you to love and be loved unconditionally.

There are many ways to create balance, but the most overlooked is our diet. The foods we eat can play a major role in creating feeling of happiness or sadness. Did you know that chocolate chemically produces feelings of love in our brain? No wonder so many women are having a love affair with chocolate. It really does make us feel happy. You need to be selective on what type of chocolate, however, which is why I recommend only dark chocolate with a natural vegetable sweetener. Of course eating a processed sugar diet can cause bouts of depression and what I call dis-ease. But even eating healthy foods can sometimes cause an emotional roller coaster.

Another way to create balance is to find peace within, so that we will be rewarded with outer peace. You can achieve this through many different ways – meditation, exercise, Reiki, yoga, sports, quiet walks and maybe reading a great book. There is no right or wrong way; you just have to find what works for you… and do it. Once you have learned to truly nurture yourself, you are able to nurture others without resentment. When you truly have peace within yourself, you are finally able to have a peaceful relationship.

If you feel your relationship is lacking in some way, stop blaming the other person and do an honest evaluation of yourself. This society loves to blame everything on someone or something else. It is time to fix what no longer works and take responsibility for your own happiness first. Remember the person who looks back at you in the mirror is the only person who is responsible for your happiness. Once you honestly see who you are and why you are not completely balanced, then you can move forward to change.

It is important to live a life filled with gratitude and with a sense of humor – we have to be able to laugh. Stop taking yourself and life too seriously. Be open for change and growth. Relationships are work; anything worthwhile is, but they can also be fun. Think about what a blessing it is to be with someone who loves you and whom you love on this roller coaster ride of a lifetime.

Kathryn Morrow has a doctorate in holistic health and wellness, and is a Reiki Master, metaphysical minister and published author. St. Petersburg. (727) 596-0783.