New Times Naturally!

[Helping children manage during the different stages of their development.]

L ooking at children in the way that Rudolf Steiner taught reveals that children experience several births in their childhood. First, of course, is the physical birth. At age six or seven a second birth occurs that we educators in Waldorf refer to as birth of the etheric body. Up until this point the etheric body (a finer body of life forces invisible to the eyes of most of us) has sculpted and formed the organs of the physical body. We deem a child ready for first grade when we see indications that this etheric body has been freed up from its formative tasks and is now available for the work of memory and imagination. A third birth occurs at adolescence when the astral body, a finer body of emotions, desires and drives is born. The tremendous dips, swings and surges of adolescent moods are attributed to the birth of the astral body. Finally, around age 21, the human ego is born. After this juncture we witness the child’s own individuality at last beginning to take hold of his or her behavior, thoughts and emotions. That is, if the child has been brought up in the right way so that the ego can now serve as the “charioteer,” guiding and directing the other bodies.

With this picture of childhood in mind, let’s look at the first seven-year period when the etheric body is at work with its architectural and formative forces. At this stage the child learns purely through imitation. I am not speaking here of imitation as an adult would imitate, using his mental thoughts to mimic another, but rather an instinctual imitation in which the child immerses himself in his environment. He can’t help but imitate another – good or bad.

For this reason, the adults in a child’s life must be examples of how they would like the child to be: focused and not scattered, calm and not frantic, loving and not hateful, industrious and not lazy, thoughtful and not impulsive, patient and not angry, forgiving and not resentful. The list could go on, of course. The point is simply that the adults in a child’s life, whether mother, father, friend, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or teacher must work on themselves first – their daily habits, their relationships with others, their speech, their thinking and their mastery of emotions. Adults must be worthy of imitation.

Secondly, all of our logic, threats, reasoning, and cajoling are useless. Therefore, when it is time to leave the park, clean the room, go to bed, come to the table, get dressed, etc. etc., as an adult with a fully (we hope) formed ego, we take the child by the hand and begin to do with her what is needed, merely saying quietly, “Time for bed, now,” walking away with her in a matter of fact and confident manner with the inner conviction that, yes, a child must get to bed at an early hour in order to have 10 to 12 hours of sleep. You can substitute any simple directive, “We’re leaving, now,” “Time to eat,” or “We’re cleaning up the room now.” If only adults would talk less, instruct less, and just DO. This is what the child knows. DOING. What peace descends over a household or a classroom when the adult is not shouting commands at a young child, but is rather leading the way by doing what needs to be done, smiling and gentle, yet firm.

It is up to the adults in a household to manage the time in the day. In Waldorf we talk about establishing rhythms in the kindergarten. By this we mean there is a certain time to do everything each day in the same way. Monday is painting, Tuesday is bread baking, Wednesday is drawing, and so on. There is a certain day of the week for each snack: Monday brown rice and carrots, Tuesday apple crisp, Wednesday baked bread, etc. Story time always comes after outdoor play. One fairy tale is told day after day for a number of days until the children have fully drunk it in.

The Waldorf kindergarten offers a homelike environment as homes used to be before our fast-paced, unmanaged lives took over. While we don’t expect the modern home to become a Waldorf kindergarten, we do encourage families in the school to establish regular bedtimes with little rituals the child can look forward to and to eat dinner as close to the same hour each day as possible, with no noisy TV or radio in the background. We demonstrate with the open-ended and natural type of playthings in the kindergarten (cloths, stones, play stands, boards) that children do not need or even want mounds of plastic toys. Children thrive with simplicity. So throw out the mounds of toys and provide only appropriate open-ended toys of natural materials that nurture the imagination.

Children thrive with a beautiful and simple environment. Paint their rooms in soft and pleasing colors. Avoid commercial images that grow tiresome – Mickey Mouse, Pooh Bear, Barney. Eliminate busy posters, cartoon characters, loud colors, synthetic fabrics, and plastic.

Children thrive with a simple daily schedule. Parents fall into the trap of becoming “cruise directors,” feeling compelled to drive from one stimulating activity to another through traffic all day long when really a shovel in the back yard under the shade tree would be the most beneficial thing one could provide.

Children thrive with simplicity of choices. Many parents constantly give their children choices about everything from clothes to food, to bedtime to whether or not it is time to leave the beach. Parents are hoping to teach their children to make decisions, but this constant giving of choices yanks young children out of their natural state of dreaminess and forces them into their heads. Emotionally, they begin to feel the ground shake beneath them, they feel so insecure. Additionally, children become quite self-centered little egoists expecting to have their every need met in the moment.

With the birth of the etheric body, a child leaves the imitative stage and now looks for authority through the word. How we speak to children is of paramount importance. Our words must be deliberate, not casually cast off. Our language should be beautiful, not filled with slang and clichés. Our voices should be well-modulated, not strident and harsh. Our words should bring imaginative pictures, not dry abstract ideas. Children are less interested in factual information than in mythology, characterizations, and nuance. Asking why the setting sun turns red, a young school age child is better nourished when told a story of how Mother Earth has told the sun to put on his red pajamas before going to bed than, at this age, to be told that it’s merely the sun’s rays shining through the earth’s atmosphere creating the red color. Nature should never be presented as “merely” anything.

It is particularly important to continue the good habits begun (hopefully) at an earlier age with parents present and doing. Now, though, the parent steps back and simply makes sure the good habits are carried out, whether it be brushing teeth, making the bed, putting clothes and toys away, or doing a daily chore. Some parents do for their children far too long, never teaching them to do for themselves. Other parents are just too tired to bother, having little energy to make sure the child’s room is clean at the end of the day.

But if we want children to be able to manage their own lives, we must equip them by helping them to develop their “will forces,” as we say in Waldorf. Doing something each day at the same time for even a short amount of time develops the will forces. That is why practicing a musical instrument is such a good will-building activity. Remembering that they are still children, though, we must remind them with patience, saying it again and again as though we’ve never said it before, until, seeing that we are consistent and persistent, the child carries out the task and soon does it out of good habit. (Small amounts of homework serve this purpose, but, unfortunately, good judgment is not being used in this regard and young children today are being burdened with far too much.)

If we have parented, first through imitation, then through loving authority, and thereby have helped to develop our children’s will forces, we will reap the rewards during the tumultuous teen years. Teenagers still need boundaries, of course. They definitely need to learn the work of a household – washing dishes, making beds, doing laundry, ironing, sewing on buttons, cooking, and caring for the outdoors.

One of the first indications that our children have entered the third stage of development is that suddenly we are the objects of their merciless critical remarks. They see our every flaw. We can inwardly rejoice, however, and know that this is the birth of their own thinking powers. How wonderful! Now, at last, we can bring them factual information – that’s what they want, the truth. We can negotiate with them. We can help them find ways to express their burgeoning idealism. If we have been the firm but loving authority figures for them, they will have imbibed this authority in such a way that now, with their own thinking powers emerging, they have a wellspring upon which to draw and they will not look to commercial heroes or peers for guidance. Many teens today have everything given to them – cars, computers, designer clothes, hefty allowances – without working for anything. Their desires are indulged, but as for their inner lives, they are empty-handed.

We adults can be good examples of leading well-rounded lives that are active, yet contemplative and restful; filled with purposeful work and serious study, yet creative and fun. If we can manage to create this balance in our own lives, we will have more energy, more time and more wisdom for helping our children do the same. When they have crossed the threshold of the birth of the ego they will thank us for that.

Barbara Bedingfield is a founder of the School of the Suncoast, a developing Waldorf school in Clearwater that has been part of the worldwide Waldorf School Movement first begun in 1919. (727) 532-0696. www.suncoastwaldorf.org.