March/April 2002
Feature Articles
Holistic Health Q & A
by Karen R. Raymund
Of PMS, premenopausal weight-gain,
and osteoporosis.
What is... Psychotherapy?
by Charles Larsen
Of various schools of psychotherapy
and what to expect and look for.
EnergyUpDate
by David Findlay
Articles on the theme "Good & Bad Habits"
Teaching Good Habits
by Barbara Bedingfield
A Waldorf teacher's viewpoint on how
adults should teach children the importance of good habits.
Mother Of All Bad Habits
by Aman Motwane
The habit of chasing illusions rather
than seeing the world as it is and dealing wih reality.
It's All Habit
by Patrick Plaskett
Using the mechanism of habits to get
the results in life that we want.
Improving Your Game
by Rev. Pat Cross
The effect habits have on our lives.
Using good habits to accentuate the positive.
The Fewer the Better
by Lisa Raphael
Letting go of habits and, instead,
living fully conscious of our thoughts, feelings and actions.
Changing From The Inside
by Rev. Linda Lou Kearns
Having the courage to be completely
honest, getting "out of the box."
Peace of Mind
by David Hunt
"A Course in Miracels" approach
to habits.
The Essence of a Habit
by Daniel DeFrank
How to replace negative habits with
life enhancing ones using the power of our thoughts.
Habits, Physical and Mental
by Betty Perry
Of behavior patterns and patterns of
thought. How they affect our lives.
Mother Of All Bad Habits
by Aman Motwane
From the day we are born, most of us are drilled by parents and teachers about our habits. As we grow older, our habits come under the scrutiny of our boss, our spouse, our friends, our coworkers and even our children. Ridden with guilt and shame, we strive hard to acquire good habits and get rid of bad ones. And come New Year's Day, we turn up the intensity on ourselves and everyone else.
Sadly, despite a lifetime of wrangling with our habits, few of us are successful at changing them.
Hard numbers bear this out. All the statistics that measure the consequences of bad habits are either flat or veering in the wrong direction. Divorce rates are still at 50%. The percent of those overweight has risen to 60%. Consumer debt is at record highs. So are bankruptcies. And the roller-coaster economic cycles are still very much with us.
Why are habits so hard to break?
One of the things I was fortunate to learn very early in my life is that when a problem seems particularly hard to solve, we must stand back and reflect whether we have identified the problem correctly. If we do this, we will discover that there is usually a much deeper, underlying problem and that, until we solve that problem, we'll never make much headway.
What is the deeper, underlying problem behind our perpetual struggle with habits? I learned the answer one evening while walking along the ocean with my father.
I was fourteen. We were walking along the promenade as we did every Sunday while I was growing up in Bombay. We had just passed a cigarette store when my father stopped abruptly and said, "I think you should try smoking. You're at the right age."
I was taken aback. I hadn't yet tried smoking but a few of my friends were already chain smokers and they were doing everything possible to hide their habits from their families.
I looked at my father quizzically. "This is so unusual. I'm a little confused about where you're going with this," I told him.
He laid his hand lovingly on my shoulder and explained, "You'll soon be on your own. It's important you learn now how to make choices and adopt habits that will give you what you want from your life." He resumed walking as he continued, "It's important for you to know about the one habit that will shape your life more than any other."
What followed was an evening I'll never forget an evening of enlightenment and transformation, of love and liberation, of perspective and wisdom.
In a nutshell, here's what my father taught me:
Everything in life starts with how you see the world. The reality is that, despite its ups and downs, the world is ultimately a wonderful place perfect despite its imperfections.
But most people are afraid of seeing this reality. They constantly seek a world that has no imperfections, a world where bad things never happen, a world where we can all be good at everything. Without realizing it, they develop a habit of chasing illusions. This is the Mother of All Bad Habits because, in order to escape confronting reality, you must drown yourself in drugs, sex, alcohol, food, work, procrastination or worse. These secondary habits breed disappointments and frustrations. And they are impossible to break until you first break the deeper underlying habit, which is Mother of All Bad Habits.
If you develop the habit of seeing the world just as it is and dealing with reality, you are seduced by neither illusions nor unproductive habits. You willingly face what you have to face and do what you need to do. This ultimately brings you honest results and honest relationships.
Seeing reality in the face appears to be daunting and scary. But actually, the opposite is true. Not seeing reality is ultimately scary because it invariably leads to a life of broken dreams and broken relationships.
Over the years, I've shared my father's eye-opening lesson with thousands of people. And I have both good news and bad news to report.
The bad news first. Well over 95% of these people weren't even aware they'd been trapped by the Mother of All Bad Habits. Yet, most reported a history of yo-yo diets, broken promises and failed resolutions.
And now the good news. Just as it had been for me that balmy evening in Bombay, many were able to break this Bad Habit once they understood it. But most had to go through a simple process of unlearning years of programming. Eventually, they started seeing the world in a way they'd never seen it before.
I shall always be grateful to my father for so lovingly introducing me to the habit of seeing reality. With this habit ingrained in me, no wonder I've never been tempted by cigarettes, drugs, alcohol or any other similar unproductive habits.
If you want to break your habits, remember your first step is to embrace reality. And, if you are a parent, teacher, leader, author, expert or member of the media, remember your first step is to cultivate the habit of seeing reality among all your constituents.
Aman Motwane is the author of "The Power of Wisdom When You Change How You See the World, Your Whole World Changes." He is visiting the Tampa Bay area in April. 1-866-WISDOM8 - www.PowerOfWisdom.com
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