September/October 1999
Articles on the theme "Attachment & Detachment"
Life's Parade
by Bob Gonzalez
Of death, meditation, possessions and
true detachment.
Responding Resourcefully to Criticism
Cydné Battreall
Learning to detach or disassociate
to create new ways of responding to criticism.
The Ultimate Release
by Constance Felos
Forgiveness: the conscious, energetic
release of debilitating attachment. Death of the body: the ultimate release
of physical attachment.
You and Your Thoughts
by Patrick Plaskett
The problems of identifying ourselves
with our thoughts and emotional responses.
Cultivating Detachment
by Dr. Neil Cooper
Detachment as part of a spiritual practice.
Its role in connecting us with Source, Spirit, Energy, Qi, Consciousness.
In The Heart of God
by Ron Graham
How attachment and detachment can be
good or bad. Sorting out which is which.
Attachment & Detachment - Their Hidden Meaning
by Magzcha Westerman
The numerological significance of the
words Attachment and Detachment.
The Rewards of Release
by Dr. Audrey Craft Davis
The rewards of releasing losses to
the universe. Releasing others from the bondage of our thoughts.
Transcending Attachment
by Rev. Pat Cross
Using attachment and detachment to
help us reach a higher spiritual level - a connection with our true Source.
Detachment Brings Joy
by Rev. Nancy L. Buchanan
Of going with the flow to achieve a
positive lifestyle.
Other Feature Articles
Natural Health Q & A
by Dolores Puterbaugh
A discussion of some of the physical
and emotional changes and challenges women face going through menopause.
2000 and Beyond!
by David Findlay/ Patricia Diane Cota-Robles
What is . . . Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)?
by Sam Jarcynski and Greg Stanek
Mineral Kingdom
by Judy Power
Featured stones for September and October:
Peridot and Natrolite.
Responding Resourcefully to Criticism
by Cydné Battreall
Have you ever responded to someone's criticism by answering them with a defensive attack? Was the relationship strained after that? When one is mentally attached and in direct association with negative feelings brought up by the criticism, defensiveness often occurs. Given proper resources and the tool of dissociation (keeping a safe distance between ourselves and the critical comments) we can learn to maintain our integrity, while staying open to others' perceptions of us. We can make meaningful enhancements to ourselves while others receive the gift of being heard. A true win win.
I'd like to guide you through the following exercise using the valuable tool of dissociation. A major key to this process is to dissociate from the critical comments. In your mind construct a plexiglas barrier to see through like watching a movie of someone else. This keeps you from automatically feeling bad, so you can calmly evaluate the meaning of the criticism before responding to it.
It's very helpful to maintain a resourceful feeling. Think of a time when you felt capable, or loved and safe, now associate (mentally step into) that experience and re-live it. By pressing your thumb and forefinger together, you are utilizing a tool called a kinesthetic touch (physical) anchor to associate and attach yourself (mentally) to this resourceful feeling whenever you need it. Now you are ready to begin.
Step #1: See yourself at a distance. Pretend you see yourself 'out there in front of you.' This you, is going to learn the new way to respond to criticism. See that you out in front of the protective barrier you are placing between you. That separates you from any intense feelings.
Step #2: See yourself being criticized. Watch that other you about to be criticized. You are watching the you in front of you, and this you is also watching itself as someone criticizes it. It's as if you see the pictures you are making in your mind, out in front of you. If this seems difficult, remain open. Press your finger resource anchor to keep that you out in front feeling resourceful.
Step #3: See yourself picturing the meaning of the criticism. Now watch that you out in front of you as it makes a movie of the meaning. Example: "You are too lenient with the kids." Picture yourself disciplining your children. From this distance you can objectively examine it. Make this movie small enough and far enough away that you can comfortably observe it, feeling resourceful (use finger anchor to reinstate capable or safe feeling). If the picture isn't coming clear to you, perhaps you need more information. You can feel safe to ask questions for more clarity. First acknowledge them, "I am concerned about this," and then ask, "What did I do or say?" and "What do you want me to do instead that you think would work better?" Practice this in your mind before actually doing it. Rehearsal will help you feel more confidant.
Step #4: Decide what you think. Now you can decide what portion of the criticism you agree with and what part you may have another opinion about. Compare the movie just made of the criticism, with your own remembered 'movies' of the same events. Watch the other you, watching and comparing both movies. This lets you know whether it agrees with all or none of the criticism. Usually, there will be at least some part that you agree with. If not, ask more questions.
Step #5: Decide on a response. You now know what you agree with and disagree with. Exactly what response you choose depends upon your values, your relationship to the other person, etc. You can notice how much easier it is to select a respectful response for both of you, when you feel resourceful rather than attacked. Here are some possible responses for you to consider:
a Begin by letting the other person know what you agree with.
b Your response might include an apology.
c After agreeing or apologizing, you may want to add information that helps the other person understand your different opinion.
d Ask the other person what will make a difference.
e Let the other person know what you plan to do differently in the future.
f If you disagree completely with the other person, you may decide to respectfully let them know.
g Occasionally you may decide it's just not worth discussing further.
Step #6. Rehearse using the information you learned to make it easy for you to act differently next time. Ask the you out in front of you, "Do I want to use the information I got from this criticism to act differently in the future?" If so, first watch yourself decide what to do differently next time. Then observe as it actually imagines doing the new behavior when and where it wants to. Repeat these six steps with different examples. Make sure you select examples of criticism that have been difficult for you in the past (in-laws, significant others, bosses, professors, close friends, etc.).
Step #7: Incorporate the part of you that learned this process. You have just watched a part of yourself learn a new way of responding to criticism in a useful way. Now you are going to take it back into yourself in order to make this process an automatic part of you. First let the plexiglas shield melt away. Thank the you in front of you for being a special resource to you in this way. Now actually reach out with your hands and arms, and imagine embracing it, and gently bring it back into you, taking all the time you need, so that all those learnings will be immediately available to you any time you find yourself being criticized in the future.
Learning to effectively use dissociation can give you a valuable new tool for responding to criticism. Namasté.
Cydné Battreall, A.M., N.L.P., specializes in restoring a person's power through spiritual and mental clearing. Palm Harbor/St. Petersburg, FL: (727) 772-9528, 981-3322.
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