TAMPA BAY NEW TIMES an alternative, holistic magazine exploring Body, Mind and Spirit.

November/December 1998 Articles on the theme "Family & Friends" A Family Role Model by Ethel Gillette An account of how Bill Cosby in his Cosby Show provided a much needed and inspiring example of real family values. We're All Related by Bob Gonzalez Expanding one's view of family and friends to include the realization that we are all one spirit. A Soulful Season by Edwina Holloway Some suggestions for making the holiday season more truly meaningful. The Magic of our Differences by Rev. Pat Cross Friends and family - the ultimate gifts of God's creation. Our human differences and our essential oneness. Extend Your Family by Cydné Battreall If your current family does not meet your needs, extend it! How to go about it. The Family of Friends by Sylvia Jackson What it takes to be a friend and to have a friend. True friendship in adversity. Beyond Family and Friends by ISA The true solution to the need for family and friends. The Power of Our Thoughts by Dr. Audrey Craft Davis How we can use our thoughts to protect ourselves and those we love. Other Feature Articles Natural Health Q&A by David Simon M.Ac. A practical discussion of the why's and how's of weight loss. 2000 and Beyond! Y2K = TEOTWAWKI? by David Findlay Mineral Kingdom by Judy Power Featured stones for November and December: Lapis and Amethyst. What is . . . Olestra? by Susan Moyers A fat-free "fat" that may not be such a good idea after all.

Beyond Family and Friends by ISA Family and friends play an extremely important part in our lives. However, as a newborn, you have no concept of family or friends. Those around you are simply there to meet your physical and emotional needs. As your needs are met, you begin to associate this with those who are meeting them. A bond is developed, through the pairing and fulfillment of those needs. In fact, at this time in your life, anyone would do. However, because of this close relationship, and your parent's verbal comments about your being their child, you soon learn that they are your family. The key word is learn. You learn that when your mother or father holds you, you feel a very powerful warmth. This is a combination of your needs being met and their physical touch. Eventually, this warmth becomes trust. You trust them to continue giving you the warmth you desire. This trust is based on your past projected into the future, and whenever you are dealing with the past and the future, your mind is at work. The warmth begins to generate an emotional feeling, which occurs simultaneously with the warmth of that moment. At first, it is without name. It is pure, uncontaminated and without expectations or commitments. Gradually this changes, and you are taught to call it love. You want this experience again and again. Those around you expect you to reciprocate. The moment you begin having these wants and expectations, the purity of love becomes tarnished. You want love, and they want love. It has now moved from a pure experience to a wanting with expectations. Even when you and your family are not experiencing the warmth and intensity of love, all of you will still claim to love each other. You may not be feeling anything at all, you may even be angry, but you will still insist that you are feeling love. You have been taught this, and anything less results in guilt. You may rationalize that love is there, somewhere, but if you look closely and honestly, you will know that there is no love in that moment. "They are my parents, my children and my friends. I must love them 24 hours a day. If I do not, I must be a bad person." If your child says, "I hate you," is he, in that moment, feeling love for you? Of course not, he is experiencing anger. However, when he says this, or something similar, you will respond with something like, "Don't say that. You really hurt my feelings. You know you love us." Through body language and statements, you sow the seeds of fear and guilt. Your family expects you to love them, and you expect the same. When you do not feel that love, you begin wanting, hoping, expecting and demanding it. You do and say things to garner their love or, at least, to get some type of response. Love is fleeting; yet, you have been taught that you should always feel love for your family and friends. You have created and are entrapped in your mindset of love, instead of actually experiencing the feeling of this moment, whatever it might be. This complex scenario results in both you and your family having to continuously prove your love for each other and suppress what you are actually feeling. What does this say about you? It says that you have an empty spot inside that you want and need filled. When your family responds to you, one of two scenarios happens. The emptiness is filled with the love that you so desire, or you keep seeking it, never quite filling the void. Getting or continuously seeking love from them results in your attributing your feelings of love to them. You are giving them the power to make you feel love. Now, whenever you are not feeling it, you seek it from them or others. You look outside yourself to fill the void within you. When your family is not around, who fulfills your desire for the love you long for? You begin seeking it from other sources. Your seeking is based on your ego, a creation of your mind. You begin seeking a friend, lover, master, guru or some other diversion. Consequently, you have become obsessed with family, friends, television, going out, reading books, movies, parties, sexual activity, religion, etc. Being without external stimulation for long periods is often difficult, if not impossible. Throughout your life you have looked toward others and things to fill that void. When you are alone, you only have yourself to depend on. Instead of filling your own void, you look outside yourself. For a short time, you may even be able to accomplish this. But, because this fulfillment is only temporal, you must continually seek it. It is a never-ending task. Why settle for a temporal solution? Once you go beyond the mind, you find eternal fulfillment. This can never be found outside, but only within. Once you discover your inner being, you find the love and fulfillment that you so craved. Loneliness is no longer a problem. Being alone is fulfillment. Now when you are with people, you are no longer wanting from them, but giving to them. You no longer make a distinction between people and things. You recognize the oneness that is all encompassing. What is the difference between family and friends? In truth, there is no distinction. It is only a function of your mind. Whether we are animal, vegetable or mineral, we are all created from the same essence. We are all one. The moment you begin to label, categorize, make distinctions or groupings, you have created a false belief system. Oneness dissolves when your ego wants, desires, believes, expects, hopes, etc. In oneness your world and everything in it becomes your family and friends. The people, plants, animals and even the earth itself become one with you. We are all family and friends. We are all one. The void no longer exists. You can truly love everything around you without placing anything on a pedestal requiring proof. Although you may not like everything that existence hands you, this does not stop you and existence from being one. You recognize that your liking or disliking is a game your ego is playing. When you go beyond your ego, you are able to see this game. You know that you are one with all that has been, is and will be. You go beyond the small view of family and friends and become one with the whole of existence. Isa has relocated to the Blueridge Mountains of NC after retiring from USF. The creator of Inner Awareness Mastery, he has awakened to his own self mastery, which he lovingly shares with others at Celestial Water I AM Sanctuary at Lake Lure. (828) 625-2434. E-mail: I_AM_ISA@blueridge.net Home Page