July/August 1998
Articles on the theme "Pride & Prejudice"
Prejudice Can Kill
by Patrick Plaskett
Why is some pride good and some not
so good. What is the connection between pride and prejudice.
Loving Authority
by Barbara Bedingfield
Teaching children to become selfless individuals, having a sense of gratitude,
and able to show care and consideration for others.
The Same Only Different
by Bob Gonzalez
Of astral travel, contact with the
departed and the interpretation of dream symbols.
Random Acts of Kindness
by Rev. Pat Cross
Discarding human attitudes and recovering
our oneness with God and each other.
The Magic of Differences
by Judith Sherven PhD and James Sniechowski PhD
Maybe it is not what we have in common
but the differences that really make a relationship.
A Threat To Survival
by Cydné Su Battreall
A battle with cancer. How pride and
prejudice can get in the way of making rational decisions.
Forgiveness and Compassion
by David Simon
A discussion of the origins of pride
and prejudice, and the nurturing of their opposite attitudes: forgiveness
and compassion.
No Room for Pride or Prejudice
by Dr. Audrey Craft Davis
On the importance of being able to
stand alone as an individual, so that one can enjoy a relationship free
of pride or prejudice.
Unlimited Vision
by JoAnne Gregory
Freeing ourselves from the limitations
of restricted points of view to create a reality of our choice.
Personal Pride and Legal Prejudice
by Constance Felos
Dreams of the good life, earthly dreams,
bad dreams, possible dreams and the ultimate dream.
Too Much!
by David Findlay
How going to extremes leads to the
negative aspects pride and prejudice. Underlying roles and identities.
Other Feature Articles
Natural Health Q&A
by Elizabeth Fenton and Renee Gillombardo
The psychological and physical benefits
of walking, plus other factors that affect our mental health.
What is . . . Hypnosis
by Alvin Bartz PhD
What hypnosis is and what it isn't.
The benefits of hypnosis. Some common misconceptions.
No Room For Pride or Prejudice
by Dr. Audrey Craft Davis
I don't want a sick relationship. In my mind, this is to believe that I cannot exist without you, or that my world will fall apart if I should lose you. I cannot expect another to take responsibility for my happiness or my fulfillment. This, I must do for myself.
Many marriages are based on need, and that may be all right up to a point. To love you is to need you, but to know I can live -- even be happy -- without you, if necessary, is my ultimate goal.
The ideal relationship lets you feel secure without prejudice, without losing your identity or your freedom to express yourself; to do those things that fulfill you -- as a person.
You need to become someone, alone. Only then can you be an ideal companion to another. I realize that variety is the spice of life, but variety can be found within your present relationship. The experiences of personal growth, those times when you tried to make a split; these are the things that make us grow into adult relationships that can stand secure; a monument to a consummate relationship.
Marriage doesn't necessarily do it. One must first become that secure individual who can stand alone, if need be. My friend, Betty, was considering a divorce. I told her to let me know when she needed a strong shoulder.
"Oh, thanks but I won't need that. Bob and I have been just friends for several years. We even live in separate parts of the house. We haven't made love in all that time."
I answered : "I understand where you are coming from. I went through that same thing several years ago. I thought when we separated it would be like saying 'so-long' to a friend. Guess what? I fell apart. You see, we form attachments that we do not recognize until the break comes."
Betty said affirmatively, "But there is nothing left of our relationship. When the kids left home, I tried to talk to Bob; to tell him that over the years, our marriage had dwindled until all that held us together were the kids. He felt that it was just too late for us to change and he wasn't sure he even wanted to put forth the effort. I guess that was when I gave up, too."
"Betty, you won't feel the loss of that attachment until you make the break and you find yourself at home, all alone. Believe me, you will need that shoulder to cry on. Call me."
Several weeks later, I received the call. Betty was so distraught, she could hardly contain herself. I think the hardest part was that she expected to just walk away from a long relationship unscathed, as unperturbed as exiting a cold shower.
It takes time to overcome the devastation of a break-up of a lengthy relationship. You have to grow into learning how to depend on one person, yourself. It is not easy but you can take pride in knowing you did it all by yourself.
In the beginning, we expect too much from our partner. No one can be all things to another person. It is not fair to your partner to expect it. Your periods of growth probably stemmed from difficult aspects of your relationship. One must grow out of the feelings of dependency. I had to learn this.
I can remember telling a friend how much I loved my independence and solitude as well as having a real sense of pride for being responsible for my own success or failure. It felt good making my own decisions, knowing I could take responsibility for the outcome. When I did enter into another relationship, I knew it was for one reason only: I was ready.
I advised Betty, "Treat yourself to a three-day vacation where you do everything just to please yourself. Put yourself ahead of the other people in your life. Anything you don't want to do, don't. If you prefer to sleep late, do it. Stay up as late as you want. Spend some money on yourself. Buy something frivolous. You'll be surprised at how good you feel about yourself."
Feeling secure enough to start another relationship, I experienced what looked like another break-up and found just how far I had come. Before the period of getting to know and depend on myself, I almost fell apart when my partner and I decided to end our relationship. Now I knew I could make it on my own. I liked myself better as I faced this same situation again. I was surprised to find how much I had grown, especially knowing I loved him but, if necessary, could live and even be happy without him. No need to turn to drink, sympathy or to look for another man and no feelings of remorse or resentment. I accepted it as a another challenge to grow. To realize I loved him but could live without him was to know that I had become my own person.
He admired me for my independence and has learned to feel the same way. We are back together, closer than ever. We both realize that we have reached at least one rung on the ladder of becoming individuals, yet loving companions. I think the thing I learned best was to like me. One thing we've both learned: pride and prejudice have no place in a relationship.
Dr. Audrey Craft Davis lives with her husband in Oldsmar, Florida. She is the author of "Metaphysical Techniques That Really Work". She also holds workshops and seminars, and has appeared on TV. (813) 891-0644