Q In your last article you talked about the connection between personal growth and health. Could you give an example of a specific area or kind of growth and describe how it affects our health?
A One of the most significant dimensions of our growth that has a tremendous bearing on our state health is the emotional-sexual dimension. At the present stage of human evolution the way we view ourselves and others in emotional-sexual terms is at the very core of our identities. It is fundamental to what we do with our lives and, therefore, what happens to our health. To make this more clear I will describe three broad stages of emotional-sexual growth and illustrate how each stage influences our life and health. These three stages are defined by David Deida in his books Intimate Communion: Awakening Your Sexual Essence (HCI press), The Way of the Superior Man: A Man's Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire (Plexus press), and It's A Guy Thing: An Owners Manual for Women, (HCI press).
The first stage of emotional-sexual growth is characterized by a rigidity of our emotional-sexual identities. Men in the first stage are "supposed to be men" and women are "supposed to be women". The universal forces of masculine and feminine, or yin and yang, are separated into black and white categories, and consequently the two are made to be dependent on each other. A "man's role" is to get a job, bring home the bucks, and support the wife and kids, and he must depend on his wife to do all of the "feminine tasks" of taking care of the children, cooking and cleaning. Likewise, the woman is locked into the "woman's role" of staying at home and taking care of her husband and children, and she must depend on her husband to do all of the "masculine tasks" of "bringing home the bacon" and being "a good provider" for the family.
The second stage of growth, in Deida's model, is characterized by a blending or integration of masculine and feminine (or yin and yang) characteristics. In this stage of growth a person no longer needs to depend upon another to receive the energy, talents, and abilities of their emotional-sexual character. Instead he or she has learned to generate such talents and abilities independently. On a cultural scale this transition was initiated in America by the feminist movement as women began to revolt against the suppression of a patriarchal society and began to demand the freedom and equality to explore and develop their own "masculine" abilities. Thus, women rebelled against the rigid and suppressive standard of the "woman's role" and began to assert and develop their own individual potentials outside of the household domain. Then in the 1960's a similar kind of masculine movement followed suit as men began to break out of their traditional rigid male identities and explore and develop their own "feminine" abilities.
As a result of this transition to the second stage of emotional-sexual growth, we now have a society largely comprised of whole individuals who no longer need to depend on "their other half" to make them whole. We have women who can cut their hair short, put on business suits and go out and "kick-ass" in the business-world, if they need or want to. And we have men who can grow their hair long, wear Birkenstocks, stay home, take care of the kids, and flow in their feminine, if they need or want to. Interestingly enough, this new level of growth and integrity has brought with it a whole new set of difficulties and problems. As Deida describes in his book, the most common complaint that he gets from "second-stage" women about men is that they either seem to be first-stage macho jerks or second-stage "wimps". And the most common complaint he receives from "second-stage" men about women is that they are either first-stage clingy airheads or second-stage "ballbusters".
In the third stage of emotional-sexual growth, Deida describes a new way of expressing our character that includes, but extends beyond (or transcends), the second-stage ideal of being a whole and balanced individual with well-developed ego-boundaries. The third stage of growth and practice is about going beyond our well developed separateness into a state of oneness or "intimate communion" with the "other". In this stage of growth the primary orientation of both men and women is not to achieve an integrated and balanced self-structure - that was already accomplished in stage two - but to yield that whole and balanced self-structure into the depth of true freedom and unconditional love. And, as Deida describes in exquisite detail, the way that men can serve this process in women, and the way that women can serve this process in men are very different. This higher stage of growth requires a truly sacred approach to life, to the opposite sex, and to the members of one's own sex. It also requires a great deal of practical wisdom and understanding about the growth process and about the spiritual or sacred dimension of existence.
These three different emotional-sexual stages of growth have a profound effect upon health. From the Western scientific point of view our psychology has been demonstrated to be thoroughly intertwined with our biology. Hence, witness the growth of such integrated scientific disciplines as psychobiology, sociobiology, orthomolecular psychology, and psychoneuroimmunoendocrinology. From the point of view of Traditional Chinese Medicine, the emotional disposition of an individual has very specific effects on the Qi of the various organs and meridians of the body. And then, of course, at the popular level we all know how much stress can influence our state of health. Growing beyond the lower levels of emotional-sexual adaptation can do wonders for relieving chronic levels of stress.
There is no simple solution to stress and to the difficulties created by our emotional-sexual limitations. There is no vitamin, no herb or drug, no kind of exercise, and no kind of meditation technique that can cure our emotional immaturity and the relational problems which stem from it. The problem can only be "solved" through the trial of growth. Only by recognizing our own limitations and replacing them with a "healthier" form of action will our emotional limits be outgrown. Then, and only then, will all of their associated physical, mental and social symptoms and manifestations fade away without a second thought.
David Simon, L.Ac., of ReNew Life clinic in Tampa and the Palms of Largo Wellness Center in Largo, combines acupuncture, nutritional and lifestyle counseling, chi gong and yoga in a holistic approach to wellness. For a free consultation or treatment call (813) 871-3200 in Tampa, Florida, or (813) 518-6008 in Largo, Florida.