Life is filled with transitions. I was asked about the transition beyond guilt and shame. The transition beyond guilt and shame can not come in a leap of faith or in a moment of truth. One must look very deeply inside and ask: "Who did I allow to inflict this shame upon me? Who did I allow to inflict this guilt? Is this my guilt or is it the guilt of others? Is this what people see that they judge or am I a mirror for all others?"
One must consume guilt. One must consume shame. Shame comes in many forms. Sometimes one can put up a flag of pride and not hear what is given. And yet if you are open, wide open, in spite of shame or guilt, then guilt and shame will begin to crumble as soon as you know who you are even in the smallest way.
As soon as you know you are God's child, it will begin to fall down, the house of cards called guilt. The ego would have you carry guilt all your life into other lifetimes. The ego would have you carry shame, and therefore be a slave. How do you get past it? Not make a transition, but get past it? There is no getting past guilt, or getting past shame. There is only consuming it, burning it in the pit of spirituality that lies deep inside your belly.
This question of guilt and shame also affects children greatly. The adult world all too often does not understand children today, assuming immediately that the child is wrong in too many situations. Shame on the child. Guilt from the parents too. But on the other hand the children may not understand a parent, forgetting their parents were once children too. So a child rebels. And this brings shame to the parent. Guilt to the child. How do the two meet? Constant dialogue. A constant opening and a tremendous amount of respect. Respect for oneself, respect for others, will transform anybody at any given moment.
When I sit at the feet of a holy person, I listen so I can learn. I listen well. I have sat at the feet of many, many, many holy leaders. I took what I could take, but I did not disregard. I consumed them. I ate them. I devoured them as they did me. And then one transforms. One then becomes. The transition starts inside. And it does not end inside. It goes out into the world. To make a transition past guilt and shame, one must be open and forgiving. If someone inflicted shame and guilt, there would have to be a speck of it there; it could not grow without a seed. Pull up the roots, and begin to dance.
Transitions. Change. A young man came up to me recently. He was basically healthy and whole a year ago, and now he has full blown AIDS. He has no transitions to make. He just has to go toward the light. It is I the Mother who must make the transition. I must be prepared for anything. Therefore I am open to all things without judgment and even though it is painful, with an open heart. So that is how one makes the transition past guilt and shame, not going beyond it, but going straight into it.
There are so many transitions. How do you change from whoever you are now into someone with self-love and self-respect. Carl Jung said the only sin is not being aware. And I believe that. If you are aware, then you must know all things are inside of you. If you do not respect who you are, what you are, you will not respect who I am, or who your neighbor is. You will not respect another woman's or man's religion or god. But if you can respect only your breath, only your breath, then that's all you need to respect. I have respect for my breath. I use it wisely. I am very aware of each breath, every non-breath. And when there is no breath, I am even more aware of God.
If you have this awareness that life does exist beyond, and in, death, then you will not waste moments and each moment will be filled with respect. The shortness of breath that comes with anger is a waste. The depression that comes with a denial of respect for oneself is a waste. But if you even acknowledge that you do not respect yourself, then you are on your way, learning how to respect you.
It is very simple. It all leads up to one thing. God has made you whole, complete. Whatever your sexual preferences are, whatever your creed, your color, your religion, you are one complete human being. You don't need a soul-mate to make you complete. But you do need God to dance with. Call God nature. Call God Buddha (though not in front of Buddhists because they don't say God). Call God love. Call God a flower or a smile. But you are on earth, and in order to make that transition from loving yourself to loving God, you must therefore love yourself. You must call upon that within you which is so vibrant, so full that only you can recognize it. To love you is to love me. To not love you is a waste of time. Why? Why? Those who do not love themselves have truly forgotten how to breathe.
Ma Jaya Bhagavati is an internationally-known spiritual teacher, caregiver,
author and artist. Also Spiritual Director of Kashi Ashram, an interfaith
community near Sebastian. She guides retreats there. (800) 226-1008, ext
106.