As I looked up, the brilliant white-golden loving light had vanished and was replaced by a fluorescent light that seemed dim in comparison. The sound of deep, quiet peacefulness turned into the steady beeping of high-tech machines. The infinite love that had enveloped my entire being was gone. I was back in a pain-filled body, lying in a steel, sterile bed with cold, confining walls. . . wishing desperately to go back Home. . . Home to the Light.
Awakening further, through the fog of morphine shots, I heard a doctor say, "I snatched you from the jaws of death. Your chances of living were slim to none." I wanted to tell him I had not been dead, but alive, experiencing an expansive freedom I had never known. He continued, "You had no blood pressure or heart beat. Your abdominal aorta, inferior vena cava and right iliac artery were punctured. Your bowels and spine were also hit. You're not out of the woods yet, so you must concentrate on breathing."
I later learned my journey to the other side of life, is a near-death experience (NDE). NDE's are a reported common phenomenon with profound life-changing consequences. According to a 1990 Gallup Poll and researcher, Dr. Kenneth Ring, thirteen million Americans have had a near-death experience.
My encounter with the light happened when I was twenty-one. After being clinically dead, three operations and eight hours later, my injuries were repaired. However, my body remained damaged. This one operation changed my life forever. My dream to become a professional tennis player was shattered. The course of events that transpired set into motion a deeper awareness and understanding of not only myself but of humanity and our planet. Thus, the conscious process of living became important not the outcome.
According to most doctors, operations take six to eight weeks to recover. Since my body was strong before the surgery, I thought I would be on the tennis court in no time. Two things stopped me. The first was my physical condition. I formed keloid or hypertrophic scars. A hypertrophic scar, an inherited condition, is one that grows abnormally. The external scar is usually raised, red and tender to the touch. The internal scarring, called adhesions, grows abnormally and forms a sticky, cobweb-like substance. Every organ and every intestine handled during surgery formed adhesions. Structures adhered to the front and back of my abdominal cavity and stuck to each other.
The act of removing all my abdominal contents to save my life was the biggest challenge of continuing my existence. I was told I could probably never have children. One doctor said, "You're lucky to be alive. You'll have to learn to live with the pain and consider more operations as part of every day life." Then he chuckled. "The only cure for you is to find the Holy Grail!"
The second obstacle that stopped me was my changed value and belief system. What had meaning in the past was no longer important. Materialism, success, social status, competitiveness and achievement didn't matter. The most important focus was the three messages from my NDE: (1) to always seek knowledge; (2) to go back and live my life's purpose; and (3) to love self and others unconditionally and non-judgmentally with the love from the other side.
Although I returned to life with these new-found insights and messages, I didn't know how to practice them. Therefore, transformation was gradual. By fulfilling these messages, I thought I would find my way Home! I started with what I thought was the simplest message, "To always seek knowledge." Seeking knowledge was more than a college education with a degree. I learned about "knowing" which goes beyond our five physical senses. At first, my "knowing" represented my first thoughts. Trusting my first thoughts about any action in life was the beginning of my inner guidance.
Another message, "To go back and live my life's purpose," was not related to school or career like I had originally thought. I didn't have to be a Noble Peace Prize winner. I only needed to stay in the moment, letting my daily process and purposes unfold.
The message, "To love self and others unconditionally and non-judgmentally," continues to be the most challenging. To love myself first, ahead of others, went against my Christian upbringing. Yet, during my NDE, in a space of oneness, I saw that when my harmful actions were directed toward another, I was only hurting myself. I understood that by loving myself first, taking responsibility for my life, I was encouraging others to do the same. When I loved myself, I was loving others from a space of fulfillment and empowerment. As a result, I now give love because I want to not because I'm supposed to - and I have more energy and desire to be of service to others.
I found HOME and thus found healing. When
I looked inside myself, mapped out my own prescription for healing, aligned
with my true spiritual nature and connected to a source of greater knowing,
my health was restored. Evidence of my healing and my greatest joy, has
been the birth of my son, Elijah. Western medicine discouraged the prospects
of a pregnancy, but Elijah has taught me that medical miracles and spiritual
gifts are possible. He has given me the knowledge that with hope, faith
and love, anything is possible.
Laurelynn Martin hopes to inspire others by sharing her journey in her book "Searching for Home." She lectures about the near-death experience, alternative healing and psychic surgery, and has appeared on radio and TV shows. She lives in Danielson, Connecticut, with her husband and son. (860) 774-1496